HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP
Going through a breakup can be one of the hardest experiences you go through as a human being. Even if you were the one who initiated it; it’s common, natural, and normal to feel sad, hurt, angry, betrayed, confused, or a whole host of other uncomfortable feelings.
The good news is, there are things you can do to start feeling better and accelerate the healing process.
Here are some tips on how to cope.
1) Don’t beat yourself up. There is often a tendency, when going through a breakup, to obsess over thoughts of what if or if only I had? Or why? Or or even Why me? Or “If only I had…”Maybe you did make mistakes. If so guess what? You’re human. Show me a person who says they’ve never made a mistake, and I will show you a dishonest person.
Here’s what I know to be true: you were doing the best you knew how, at the time, and if you don’t feel it was your best, you learned from it.
Ideally, one day soon you will be able to distill out what you learned from the relationship, and leave the rest behind.
So do your best to forgive yourself in the meantime. If you are having trouble with this,
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Timeline Therapy from Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) are two really powerful tools you can use to help you let go of the past more rapidly. Email jen@consciousdatingandrelating.com to learn more about these two powerful healing techniques.
2) Practice Radical Self-Love. However much self-love you normally give yourself, times it by at least four right now. You need and deserve it. You know that spa day you’ve been wanting to give yourself? Grab your girlfriends and do it! That vacation, sporting event, or educational class you’ve had your eye on? Been wanting a career change or to redecorate your living space? Now is the time to do it! Not only will it provide a helpful distraction from obsessing about what could have been, you will feel better and quite possibly meet new people or strengthen other important relationships in your life. We can’t change how people treated us in the past, but as adults we always have the opportunity to love ourselves more in the present.So put yourself as numero uno for a change. Besides, people often mirror how we treat ourselves – increasing the love you give yourself NOW will make it easier for someone else to give you the treatment your deserve and desire in the future. So what are you waiting for? Start lovin’ up on yo’self. It’s your time, to do all of those things you have been wanting to do but haven’t yet!
Affirmation For Self Love:
Repeat: I deeply and completely love and approve of myself
~ Louise L. Hay
It’s also a really good idea to start being very mindful of how you talk to yourself, and work towards being as gentle and loving with yourself as possible. Since the universe tends to mirror how we treat ourselves, you’ll also be paving the way for a better experience in the next relationship you’re in.
3) View the situation as an opportunity to heal, learn, and grow. There is a spiritual concept that says we will keep encountering the same type of situations over and over again until we learn certain lessons.
As a step to shifting your perception around the true purposes of relationships (which are self growth and to remember our true, loving nature), consider your answers to the following questions:
What lesson did I learn as a result of this relationship?
What did I learn about myself and how I want to be in a relationship?
It can also help to consider that, as one of my favorite mentors says, there is no such thing as rejection, only the wrong fit.
As a step to embracing this concept, you can ask yourself the following questions:
What did I learn about my preferences for a partner?
This can be valuable information moving forward, besides; you will almost always feel happier and get better results when you focus on what you want moving forward then worrying about things that have already happened.
4) Release attachment. When we are little babies, it is fundamental for us to form attachments in order to survive. Once we are adults, attachment isn’t necessary, yet most of us still have a tendency to naturally from attachments to other people and outcomes.
The problem is, attachment can actually delay the things we want from appearing in our lives.
Here are a couple of ways to release attachment to former lovers:
a) Release them to their highest good. One simple thing you can do to release attachment to a former partner is to say to yourself “I release him/her to their highest good” whenever they come to mind.
It’s good to do this whenever you are feeling overly attached to an outcome, even once you are in a relationship. Saying this helps ensure you are coming from a space of unconditional love (as opposed to attachment). Knowing the difference between attachment and love will serve you well in ALL of your future relationships, not just romantic partnerships.
b) Cord cutting. When we have intimate relationships with someone, spiritual cords are developed from their solar plexus to ours. One other powerful way to break free of attachments to past relationships is to imagine the cords being cut. This is best done during a meditation with the proper support, as it can bring up certain emotions (email jen@consciousdating@relating.com for more support with this).
5) Try to forgive your former partner. I get it – they may have done things that should never be justified.
And there’s this quote from the Buddha:
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.’ ~ Buddha
Bottom Line: Forgive your ex because YOU will feel freer. Forgive your EX so YOU don’t have to carry around the heavy weight of a grievance. The best analogy for this is that is much easier to climb a mountain without a bag of bowling balls on your back. (Metaphysically, grievances are the bowling balls.)
If you are having trouble forgiving and would like to travel through life more lightly and with more peace in your heart, email me for support with this (jen@consciousdatingandrelating.com)
4) Give yourself time to be where you need to be, without any judgment about it. Accepting where we are at and embracing it fully is another way of loving yourself. That being said…
6) Surround yourself with a strong support system. While you may feel like crawling in a hole, watching sad movies, and eating Ben and Jerry’s for the rest of your life, now is not the time to cut yourself off from your family and your besties. Who knows, they just might show up as their best selves in your time of need.
We’ve also create a Google community for members of our signature program, Attract The Love Of Your Life Once and For All, where members of the program can interact with and support each other.
7) Consider that there is has someone better for out there for you, and that this is all tending in your favor (yes, really). If you had asked me, after my worst breakup, if I had thought there was someone better out there for me, I probably would have answered no. As the saying goes though, hindsight is 20/20, and my now husband and my marriage have exceeded my expectations for a relationship (in a positive way) and I have never looked back.
Consider, that the RIGHT person for you is out there right now, wanting to meet you as much as you want to meet them. And with them, it won’t be struggle. And with them, everything will flow and get resolved quickly, especially if you do the inner work of releasing blocks and finding your alignment around love relationships prior to meeting them.
“When we are stuck in traffic, all we can see is the bumper ahead of us. Whereas, if we were to have a bird’s eye view from a helicopter, we’d be able to see that one mile up the road, the traffic will clear and we’ll have a clear path”. ~ Dr. Michael Beckwith
People always are asking my husband and I “how do I know if someone is the right person for me?” Our answer is always the same “If you have to ask”….
One thing we know for sure is that when you truly find the right person, at some point probably not too far in you will know it – you won’t have to ask anyone if it is right.* (please don’t hate us for this statement – we promise it can happen to you, if you are willing to examine what your beliefs about relationships are and do the inner work necessary to find alignment with this).
Consider this: If you knew the universe was always tending in your favor, and would eventually was going to bring you the partner and the relationship you’ve always wanted, how would you being acting differently?
With Much Love,
Jennifer
PS if you would like more support with getting over a breakup, email jen@consciousdatingandrelating.com. We will email you back some times for a complementary Discovery Session so you can explore options for getting the support you need.