I’m happily married now, but as someone who got married later in life, for many years, I was single on “V-Day” (which by it’s very nature, sounds sort of ominous, like a day some sort of bomb or something was dropped somewhere).
Here’s how to survive without needing to become a recluse and throwing darts at any recent exes’ pictures (or even worse, contact them just because it’s Valentine’s Day), drinking copious amounts of alcohol and watching sad movies alone, or otherwise disrupt your perfectly peaceful existence.
The truth is, there is no need to fall into a pit of despair so dark you’ll need a spelunking light to see anything on Feb 14th. Consider perhaps, that Valentine’s Day – when the right measures are taken – can be just as enjoyable, if not more, than any other day of the year, even if you are as single as Raj on The Big Bang Theory. Here’s how:
1 )KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY. While it may feel like the modern version of Valentine’s Day simply exists to torture single people, the true historical origins of Valentine’s Day appear a bit murkier and somewhat unknown. Check out what some historians have to say about it:
Many historians believe that Saint Valentine’s Day was crafted by the Roman Catholic Church to supersede a pagan holiday in honor of the Roman god, Lupercus. The pagan holiday celebrated the rite of passage of adolescent boys into manhood. The celebration included a public lottery in which adolescent girls were assigned to these young men for one year. The Roman Church outlawed the pagan holiday, and substituted saint’s names for the names of single women in the lottery. Rather than enjoy a woman’s company for a year, young men and women were to liv as the saint they drew, for the period of one year.
Hardly sounds like the romanticized, commercialized candy, flowers, and hearts version of Valentine’s Day we know, right? The truth is that the modern version of Valentine’s Day was created by the Hershey company for the purpose of selling more chocolate. That’s it! Nevertheless, I know it is easy to feel like you are the only single one when all round you are hearts full of chocolate, flowers, and oversized teddy bears, so read on for more Valentine’s Day survival tips. (quick note: No one ever said you can’t buy yourself candy or flowers! I used to do it all the time when I was single!)
2) PRACTICE RADICAL SELF LOVE: What do you love to do? What makes your heart soar? What makes you feel pampered and well taken care of? Love to ride your bike? Schedule a ride with a friend. Like art? Go check out that exhibit you just feel you didn’t have time for before. Feet feel neglected? Splurge for a spa pedicure with extra massage time. I feel like I finally got being single on Valentine’s Day right when I figured out, that coupled or not, Valentine’s Day was the perfect night for me to book myself a massage at my favorite spa. I learned that it’s really hard to feel sorry for yourself when you are basking in a warm steam room, then shepherded off in one of those fluffy robes to have a skilled massage therapist give you a rub down. And in my blissful, massage induced coma, I did not care who called or sent flowers or not.
BONUS: how you treat yourself now, is a very good indicator of how others will treat you later. Energy flows where attention goes, so if you are treating your self with some TLC now, others will likely be following suit in the future. Loving yourself is an important foundation of healthy relationships.
3) Schedule a girl’s or guys night: It’s so easy to feel like you are the only one in the world who is single on the dreaded “V-Day”. But, the statistics prove that just isn’t so. A large percentage of the world is still single, so why not use this time to bond with the love that IS in your life? Grab your girls (and/or guys) and head out to a favorite eatery, or do a movie and pizza night in if you want to avoid all the couples. Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to celebrate your freedom as a single being who can attend things like Happy Hour at a moment’s notice, because who knows…next year you might not be single, and find it more challenging to spend as much time with your pals.
Moral: Appreciate what you have NOW and the rest will flow into your life before you know it.
Which brings us to the next option:
4) SHOW APPRECIATION: Use this day to show your appreciation for everyone in your life you love. In my better moments as a single gal, I used Valentine’s Day as an excuse to tell everyone in my life how much I loved and appreciated them – friends, relatives, even teachers that had touched my life and had a positive impact upon me. One year, I even hand-made Valentine’s for some people and got to re-experience childhood a bit. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you are flowing love out to those all round you. The truth is, love is all around you at all times, if you are willing to see it. Sometimes being willing is the first step. Who do you love that you could show how special they are to you on Valentine’s Day?
5) GET SPIRITUAL (whatever that means for you). My husband was previously happily married until his previous wife unexpectedly crossed over when he was only 36. His first Valentine’s Day after her passing away was just a few months later. While it would have been PERFECTLY warranted for him to want to stay home alone and grieve on that night, instead he chose to not isolate himself and went to an introduction to meditation class with his best friend. This simple introduction developed into a meditation practice, which, seven years later, he still does religiously twice a day. His diligence to his practice has helps him to stay calm even in very stressful situations and is one of the things that attracted (and continues to attract) me to him. He has an ability to be grounded and calm even during conflict and challenges, which I deeply admire. I also have attended various services of a spiritual nature on Valentine’s Day that provided a sense of feeling uplifted and helped me to feel connected to something greater than myself. Hard to feel like you are in the pit of despair when you realize you are connected to and a part of this big, amazing universe and all of the cosmos…
IN CONCLUSION: know that Valentine’s Day does not have to be a day of despair for you even if your last date was 2 years ago or longer. I also want to reassure you that if you have the seed of desire in your heart to find love, it will surely be answered one day, so you might as well have as much fun as you can in the meantime! Keeping a healthy respect for the fact that this day could trigger you into feeling a bit vulnerable, a healthy does of self-care and attention will go a long way.
As the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
How are you planning to love and care for yourself on Valentine’s Day?
With Love,
